Do men have besties?

Me and my best friend made a survey about toxic masculinity for no apparent reason and sent it to random “men” we know. I think that’s a great way of starting something but let me explain.

Me and Kai were running out of things to talk about, our lives are drier than Sahara desert and no engaging things have been happening in both our lives. We have been wanting to do this for a while but recently, we came up with a question that I really wanted to answer. Do men have besties? What do they talk with their besties?

I saw a documentary about the royal family recently where Prince Harry was explaining he had only cried once since his mother's passing. Once at her funeral and maybe once later on.

Prince Harry said that his way of coping is to show down and lock it all. 

And that's when I realized, regardless of region, country, religion or class; men rarely cry! 

Stereotypically, men are tough and harsh. They should not cry as that’s a sign of weakness and should stay strong at all times. Personally, I think that's not very realistic of society to think of it this way. Let’s be real, men too have emotions and they too feel the need to express it once in a while.

Even if they do cry, they are judged and looked down upon.

And then I thought that perhaps men don't bottle stuff up like we had always assumed but rather talk to their friends about their flaws and problems.

But that's a problem in itself now, according to recent studies published on the Survey center of American Life, it identified a male friendship "recession". The number of people who had no one to call as a close friend has jumped from a mere 3% to 15%. In the UK, a 2018 study by the male mental heath charity suggested things are even worse: One in three men asked could not name a single close friend that they could confide in.

There are also less people, Americans call friends these days. From the 1990's to 21, there has been a sharp decline on the number of people we call 'friends' or close friends or share our issues with.

And I thought even more(which is rare, I know), what do men talk about with other men? From what I know, video games is at the top. Food and girls maybe but have you ever seen in any television show or movie showing a group of men discuss their problems and emotions? Unless their drunk, drunk is a whole new chapter.

Back to my silly survey, few were not even ready to do the survey because of the name of it; "Toxic Masculinity". I do not know what I am going to do with this information and answers but I think it will be a good way of keeping my memories with Kai intact.

We sent it out to a select number of boys, we knew at that time, making a quick and easy to understand survey.

And the answers actually shocked me for a few questions like for ‘do you feel comfortable to share your problems with closed ones’ many said no and their reason for that was my problems belong to me. And it made me realize maybe the stereotypes are real. Society has shaped these men in such a way that they started to believe the lies spread on screen.

It's honestly so upsetting to know that these men have succumbed to their expectations. Most women cry from the outside to save themselves inside while most men kill themselves by crying inside to save their outlook reputation.

Even in the 21st century, there is a difference between men and women in almost every field. The pay gap is very present, with women getting almost 22% less than their male counterparts. Even today when a girl wants to do something, she is looked down upon and judged.

Then what’s the use of fighting for gender equality when people aren’t ready to accept it?

So yes, we made a survey and sent it out to a bunch of people. There were 17 questions and I’ll put a few here.

• If and whenever you feel distraught, what do you tend to do?

• Do you feel comfortable in sharing your personal issues with close ones? If not, why?

• Do you think your physique, facial hair etc. defines you as a growing male?

• Do you think it’s important for a woman to get married in her life. If so, why?

• Do you agree with calling men who frequently have sexual intercourse, “playboys” while calling women who do the same, “sluts/whore”?

I hope you have a great day/night.

-Sahana

Oh and this graph! I totally forgot about it.