PhD Soumya

I suddenly had this thought come into my mind. I went for a internship at the university of biotechnology during the summer and there something dark may have happened? 

There was a laboratory for animal tissue and the PhD student told me that to observe those cancer cells, I would have to ask for permission from this professor, Soumya. I was like no problem, I have the permission from the chairman of the institution. No biggie. But it seemed like I was the only jobless bae, Soumya was busy and I visited her office many of times to find it empty. 

But one particular day, I finally found her inside and went in. I told her who I was and what I wanted to observe, she wasn’t paying attention at first so she wanted me to repeat; I did. She said that if I wanted something then she would have to get something in return. I was kind of shocked to hear that but was fine with it. I told her that at school only animal and plant cell has been taught but I had extra interest so I reached out to DPU. I also mentioned my supervisor and how I’m spending my whole month at the university, rotating between labs. Then she replied, quote on quote, “So you are basically roaming in the hallways, I have seen you go here and there. There is no use.” I was crushed, and argued back that I was not. 

She asked me my textbooks name and the chapter so she could ask questions, still shocked I told her. She started asking questions and I’ll admit I had not read that chapter for a long time and was rusty. I answered most and blanked out on a few. Again, she told me, “If you have nothing beneficial for me, then I won’t show you.” 

She asked what I had learnt in the other labs and I told her about a brief description. I wasn’t really familiar with the terms so I told torn up versions but to me, it made complete sense in my mind. 

She then asked me which field I want to go into, I told her that I want to be a doctor. Then she asked what steps I had taken to achieve my goal, and to be honest, I had not. I told her this is my first step and I’ll take more in the future. She said, “So you haven’t done anything. What’s the point of having a goal of you are not even trying to achieve it?” 

Looking back at the incident, it’s a blur. But the last words that broke my heart were, “Why are you even trying when you are not doing anything? There’s no use. You are not capable of anything. Come back whenever you know everything from this chapter, I don’t know about your teachers but I want everything to be done completely.” 

I never went back and I didn’t hear most of the end because I was trying my best to not burst into tears. I ran out of her office in tears and came out the building, crying. My grandmothers were waiting for me out and were horrified. 

It has been 3 months since this incident happened and I’ve thought a lot about it. But the conclusion is pretty simple and I don’t know who needs to hear this but don’t let other people tell you things or discourage you. I knew that I had put effort to come to that university every day in the week, reaching at 10 every morning from half way across the city. I knew that no one was interested in studies outside my school and it was only me who was doing this during summer. I am proud of myself and I won’t let Soumya get to me anymore.

I hope you have a great day/night ahead!

-Sahana