Problems to finding “the one”

 If you have read any of my other blogs, it’s pretty obvious that I’m desperate to get a boyfriend. And yet, till now so many months and dudes later, I’m still single. But today, I’m here to dive deep into this obsession of mine to be in a relationship. 

Love, everyone wants it, everyone wants to feel it, everyone wants to be it. Humans are crazily obsessed with finding the love of our lives, or “soulmates”. And yeah, maybe being in love with someone is something foreign to me but it’s very bittersweet. It’s so sweet, falling in love with someone and yet so… bitter. Someone who you loved so dearly breaking your heart into a million little pieces, but everyone’s taking the risk. 

Meghadūta, is a lyrical poem written by Kalidasa; the literal meaning of Meghaduta is cloud messenger. This poem narrates a story of how a yaksa(mystical creature) who is exiled by his master for slacking off and banished in a remote place, where this yaksa requests a passing cloud to pass a message of love to his wife. This yaksa describes the scenery and landscapes the cloud will pass through to pass the message. 

When I first learnt about this epic, I was just shook. I want a love like this where I can communicate with my loved one through the clouds. Even if it sounds so childish and yet so irrational but there’s something so comforting and romantic about passing messages through the clouds. 

And I believe this is my problem, expecting pure love and picnics in an era filled with no emotions and quick pleasure. And also because I have unrealistic expectations, like how crazy does someone have to be to think they can talk through the clouds? 

Call me old school but I would much rather stick to sharing ice cream and enjoying the moment than post Instagram stories about it and yes, if you think about it, the presence of social media in relationships these days is inevitable but I would much rather prefer cringey love letters and paper notes folded with love to “hey bbg, let’s Netflix and chill?” text popping up because to me, anyone can write up a message and send it but you need a truly good heart to sit down and write a love letter. 

But something that is important to keep in mind while dating is, you can’t stick to the thought of finding “the one” because let’s be realistic here, no one is finding the love of their life in high school while so much is going on. There’s so much more in life than your four years in high school, so by finding “the one” in high school is just limiting ourselves to a small environment when there’s a whole new world to explore. Be open minded but I’m so fixated to finding the one. Deep down I know for a fact that I’m searching in the wrong place but there is no other place to search for…

But the tipping point for me comes with the issue of transparency, when you have a partner, you are required to be transparent. Text them good morning, tell them about your day and truly commit your time, effort, affection and attention to someone. And I don’t know about you but I don’t see myself texting anyone, “good morning sunshine 🌞” anytime soon. It’s the matter of being honest and have good communication too. And honestly, I don’t think I have either to make a relationship work, because you can’t just slack off and work it out later. This involves another human being and they have feelings and emotions too. 

I don’t have time for myself, then how do I expect myself to keep time for others is the question here. Because I don’t want to have a partner and talk to them only when  I  have a problem, only when I want to talk because it does not work that way. I can’t play with someone else’s feelings for my own entertainment and loneliness. 

That’s just not fair, life’s just not fair. 

Thank you for hearing me rant about my dilemma, really appreciate you taking time off from your busy life to read one of my silly works. 

I hope you have a great day/night ahead! 

Sahana