Are you difficult to love?

My exams ended today and I’m basically on cloud 9; but there’s another exam in another month so my happiness is sort of short-lived 😖🙄 A lot of things have happened this past few weeks but, I want to discuss a thought that has been wandering rent free in my mind for this while.

 We are all, in one way or another, difficult to love. 

Some more than others. You can’t be a rose without your thorns but there are few people more deeply insufferable than those who don't, at regular intervals, suspect they might be so. They are just cactuses. 

We are all, invariably tricky characters. 

We have been in some way inadequately parented, we are beset by bad habits, we have a plethora of bad psychological traits, we might be anxious, jealous, ill-tempered, manipulative, toxic, or just down right horrible and vain. And we are also bringing an awesome deal of trouble into someone else’s life by agreeing to be their partner. 

We have always been shielded of this fact due to a mixture of sentimentality and neglect. Our parents loved us too much to tell us, our friends didn’t want to give a critiqued constructive criticism of our personalities since they just wanted a few dinners four of us. And our previous partners were too keen on escaping and leaving us without providing any proper critiques, simply stating that they require “more space” or that they want to “focus on themselves”. 

Furthermore, when we are on our own, we just don’t notice how annoying we might, well be, in the eyes of others. Maybe we were in a sulk for the entirety of Sunday’s afternoon but no one was there to be driven crazy with our self loathing. Our peculiar eating habits won’t be real until there’s another person across the table to register our absurd chewing sounds. 

When we get into a relationship, our partner calls us out on our horrible behaviour, it might feel like a huge personal attack that a kind, nicer person wouldn’t put us through. But this response is inevitable, what they’re doing is nothing odd rather what they’re doing is merely holding up a mirror. 

Everyone seen upon close inspection has an appalling amount of things wrong with their character. It’s not us— it’s the human condition. The specifics may vary but the point is, people are nightmarish in their own ways. 

Sadly, it’s not that our partner is being overly demanding or critical but it’s the fact that they are the bearer of the inevitable bit of bad news: that we are a nightmare. 

And from this very detailed rant of mine, it provokes a question in me that is… just a bit difficult to answer. 

What if I never find love since I am such a nightmare? 

It’s a silly question if you look at it but give it some thought because in one way or another, as explained above, we are a pain. So why would a normal being go for a person who is more flawed than the next? Sure, there are qualities that make people likeable. 

But no one is easy to love. This phrase is absurd. 

Loving someone is not chilling back on a beach and throwing your legs over each other. It implies that there's a right way to be loved, which is effortless and uncomplicated. But that’s the thing, loving someone isn’t effortless or uncomplicated, there are days where it’s hard to look past the flaws, and days which make you forget the flaws. It’s complex, hard and utterly painful. 

And yes, we can definitely work upon these flaws of ours but the things mentioned above are not something you can stop abruptly, they take months maybe years to manage. We are just nightmares to one another. 

So today, I’m leaving you with a question to ponder— are you difficult to love? 

Also, this post was written like a month ago🤭🤭. I hope you have a great day/night ahead.

-Sahana