Rat race

Life is harder now. I started coaching classes at Aakash for NEET at my city and I miss how things were like 6 months ago. For those who don’t know what this NEET is, it’s basically an entrance exam for medical collages here in India. The syllabus is vast ranging from physics to zoology. Even though I was in grade schoolpressure, I would trade anything for that period of my life where all my loved ones were at an arms length. 

I feel grown, I celebrated my birthday a month back. And I turned an year older!!!! But now, things are different and harder. I barely get enough time to do the routine. 

Aakash is a whole another universe. Everyone and everything here is cut throat, every little minute and mark matters and differentiates you from being an absolute failure or a topper, with your face plastered all over the national newspapers.

And I’m not going to lie, I’m having a hard time adjusting here. The teachers themselves encourage and advise you to not make friends and remain acquitances as in their words “ you aren’t here to make lifelong friends rather to study”. Man, that’s just sad. 

I miss being first in the class and getting satisfactory grades because here, I’m barely passing and staying afloat. I miss the teachers I used to clown about. I miss the people with whom I used to gossip with during break. I hate this system. 

But there’s no choice. This is simply the path to become a doctor here in India. Oh and did I mention, I passed out  with flying marks and got 98.4%! Soon, went on a mini pan India vacation along with a visit to my cousins place in Singapore. I’m yet to make a blog on that one. It’s a very interesting trip.

 I’ve decided I wanted to be a doctor ever since I was in 8th grade. Then things seemed pretty easy. People always emphasise about how long and extensive the practice and studied are for being a doctor. I sort of  knew the journey would be a bed of thorns but this is just plain cactuses. 

It’s been barely two months since I started these coaching classes for NEET and I’m already regretting my choice of choosing this profession. I’m not giving up but in a way I am. It just feels like there’s always a mountain load of things to do and no matter how much effort you put in, it ends up nowhere for me. No matter how many physics kinematic equations I practice, I still end up thinking “what the heck is this question trying to say”

It’s hard waking up to the same thing everyday, same thing, same people, same routine. I sometimes feel like just running away from this life and going somewhere far, without the stress of this chaotic and stressful city. I hate the commute, I hate that I barely have friends here, I hate that I left my boyfriend. 

 

I hate that we’ve all become rats in this horrid rat race, that is endless, self destructive and altogether a pointless pursuit. Just trying to merely get rewards such as ranks signing away our life, and just letting it drain our souls. 

My parents aren’t too strict about these grades, they’ve actually been real supportive but I’m just disappointed in myself. It just feels like my hard work is going nowhere. Here, slacking off just doesn’t work. Studying the entire syllabus the night before the exam is just unheard of. 

The atmosphere too isn’t any better. Everyone’s overworked, stressed, the teachers are helpful but they instil this feeling of stress and frustration into us that even the calm ones become crazy. 

Conclusion: Coaching is not for the faint of heart and if you engage in it, I salute you. Good luck on your future endeavours since you clearly have a heart of stone. 

But I don’t think I’ll be pretty active on my blog from now on. No matter how much I yearn to write each and every thing that happens in my life, it’s just tough to get the time to write when I’m just slouched like a potato, barely having the ability to get out of bed everyday. I hate it here so very much. 

And now that I don’t have my boyfriend motivating me and being my personal cheerleader; (It feels uncanny and so eerie writing it) it just makes things ten times harder. I don’t think I made a bad decision, just a really tough one. 

Anyways, I’ll be posting another blog soon enough, so look out for that and pray for me!

Hope you guys have an amazing day ahead!!!

-Sahana