What makes you, you?

I like to believe I’m a very sentimental, and sensitive person. And truth is, I am. But recently, I’ve noticed a few select people around me, viewing these traits as not necessarily bad but not as a desirable characteristic either. They look down upon it,  passing off sly comments “You’re too sentimental, Sahana” 

We are surrounded by people, 8 billion of them, infact. 

Since we’re surrounded by these many people, we have to squeeze them into our life whether we like it or, at least a few hundred to live a proper and prosperous existence. So it’s easy to have their petty and odd comments influence our way of thinking, style, opinions, ideas. We are forced to think more orthodox by the people that surround us. But at the end of the day, the choice is yours, whether to hear that comment and take heed to it and work on being a sculpted person by society or leave it out an ear. 

And each of these people are unique in their own way. Some arrogant, some ignorant, some self obsessed, some who are mysterious, emotional, empathetic, pitiable, only to say the least. And I believe it makes each one of us a concoction of all these various qualities. Some combinations more absurd than the other. But isn’t that what we are essentially? A combination of nucleic acids that combine and recombine to form you! 

Each of us is, in certain aspects, like all other people, like some other people but like no other person. 

No one, not even a friend has the right to influence you in their conveniences. It becomes difficult to be happy and satisfied with yourself when you, yourself aren’t happy with you. Whether it be that small mole on the corner of your eye or things like your qualities that people always point out that isn’t necessarily bad but not desirable. When we aren’t happy with ourselves, we seek validation from others, and this is what happens in most of us. 

There are some, maybe many qualities of mine that people find off, are weirded out by or down right revolted! But I like to think my sensitivity, my empathy, my way of thinking is what makes me, me! These characteristics is what makes me a unique individual in a sea of billions. 

I don’t understand how the people who let society feed off their soul, and sculpt their entire lives to be an ideal, perfect human sleep at night, knowing their entire life has been simply spent making others happy. 

But at the end of the day, is that all we are? a bunch of traits? 

In trait psychology, it discusses five dimensions which are normally distributed and  describe the universally held aspects of difference between various people, they follow the acronym, OCEAN.  ‘O’ stands for openness to experience; ‘C’ stands for conscientiousness; ‘E’ stands for extroversion; ‘A’ stands for agreeableness and ‘N’ stands for neuroticism.

I’m going to explain more about extroversion because it’s significant and highly intriguing and it helps us understand what I call the three natures. Firstly, biogenic nature, basically neurophysiology. Second, our sociogenic or second nature, which has to do with the cultural and social aspects of our lives, and third, what makes you, individually you; Idiosyncratic or what I call idiogenic nature. 

As a George or Lily, you may share your extroversion or your neuroticism, but are there some distinctively Lilian features of your behaviour or Georgian of yours, that make us understand you better than just a bunch of traits? That makes us love you? Not just because you’re a certain type of person. 

So what is it that makes us essentially different? 

It is the doings that we have in our life or what I like to call— the personal events. You have a personal event right now, that nobody might know about. It might be related to school, relationships, personal affairs, parents. There are free traits. 

What are these free traits? They are where we enact a system in order to advance a personal event in our lives. And they are what matters. 

So the next time you are conversing with someone new, don't ask what type of person they are, ask them what their personal events in life are; Because these are the questions that will help you get to know that person than just a bunch of traits jumbled up together and rather as an individualistic person.

-Sahana