Why do people get married?

My math board exam just ended today. It was spectacular for all those who care! But I’ll start off with my rant for today. 

Marriages are a scam. 

Here’s a fun statistic you hear when you usually talk about it, 50% of marriages end in a divorce. That’s one in two married couples. This is only for first marriages though, second and third marriages have a higher percentage of getting dissolved. This data might be different for different countries since there are various social and cultural differences and norms when it comes to marriage but you get my question point. 

Apparently, Guatemalan marriages have the least amount of divorce. I don’t even know how it’s ethically approved for marriages to occur for girls of 14 and boys of 16-18 years old over there. But who am I to say anything? Not that I have any specialized knowledge of it, only a shit ton of opinions.

In my perspective, marriages are just an extended version of relationships. You essentially have the same arrangements with a different title now. 

I spoke to my psychologist about this and she stated that maybe that is exactly why people get married in the first place, to gain that social status of being married. It makes your love sort of official. 

But I dug deeper and found out that one of the leading reasons people move in together or marry is because of love and commitment. I don’t understand, can’t people love without getting married? Does being together in a relationship, not mean love? Marriage does not suddenly make the world look rainbows and unicorns. It's actually much difficult, you have another person to take care of, legally! It’s not like marriage stops infidelity completely either. 

In the United States, 20-40% of married American men and 20-25% of married American women are likely to have an affair during their lives. And according to Forbes Advisor, 34% of marriages ended due to an affair.

Another study published in 1999 suggested that 75% of male and 68% of female college students admitted to cheating. This study is pretty old and plus involves college students who are filled with hormones and just juggling partner to partner, so I delved deeper and found this out. 

Statistics show that 44% of people cheat on their partners, according to a study involving unmarried individuals in monogamous relationships. 

So it’s not like infidelity rates are drastically lower in marriage, they’re almost the same. So, it’s definitely not the “commitment or making it official” balderdash. This very lack " love and commitment" is the leading reasons for divorce around the country.

And if we were talking about the love, companionship reason for getting married. It is evident that the percentage of married couples in an unhappy marriage consistently remained around 50% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages, and over 70% for third marriages. So this reason is also sham. 

Another leading reason that people consider tying the knot is financial security. Around 20% of couples marry due to this reason. It is a known fact that women get less wages as compared to their male counterparts, in almost every field. So, it's natural that women believe they need someone to have their back during tough periods. 

It’s estimated that financial problems contribute to 20-40% of all divorces. That means that for every 10 marriages that end in divorce, four of them are because of money. Around 41% of divorced Gen Xers, along with 29% of divorced Boomers state that the reason their marriages ended was due to financial disagreements.

So the same reason people stated for getting married in the first place, is the one breaking them apart?

It’s also true that marriages are very expensive to execute and even more expensive to get rid of, that is divorce. It’s basically a relationship. And personally, I don’t get the point of spending a butt load of money just to be in the same arrangement. 

I understand that a marriage is supposed to make things official. That you’ve decided that this person is your soulmate and you’ve decided to spend even your dying second with them. But I figured that was the goal of a relationship too? I know how it usually goes, people date to marry but why can’t we just date to date? Leave it at that.

I understand in the olden days, things were orthodox and having a lover and not being married gave you some pretty nasty looks from society and it was a societal thing back then but now? No one cares if you’re partner is a stay at home boyfriend or if he marries you or not. Moving together before marriage now is so common these days. There’s honestly no need to get married and spend time and money on an extravaganza for nothing!

I’ve just concluded that people are marrying these days just for the sake of getting married. I don't know why people yearn the title of being a 'husband' or 'wife' but to each their own. You practically get no benefits or perks of being married in today's day and age. You get no tax exemptions, no insurance benefits. Actually it's even more financially draining, spending on a huge exorbitant wedding. 

I do sometimes wish I got married in a Rajasthani palace with a wonderful Sabyasachi lehenga but the downsides of marriage just keeps me up at night. I don't think I'll get to middle ground anytime soon, but when I do, you'll be the first ones to know. 

Conclusion: Marriage is confusing and complex. 

I'm exhausted from writing and doing all this thinking! Anyways, three blogs this month. I'm super happy! Also started this one long back, timeline might be off. 

Hope you have an extraordinary day!
-Sahana 🥰