Thoughts Iteration: 2

1. These last few weeks have been the most fun yet depressing ones of my life. To those who don’t know, I’m moving halfway across the world to the US. Yay! I’ve wanted this ever since forever and now that it’s actually in front of me, I can’t seem to take my eyes off of it. 

Moving to the US is nerve wracking, there’s new people, new opportunities. I’ll literally have to start off from square one, starting my life from scratch. 

The move has been exhausting. Packing away all my life into cardboard boxes should be easy but being forced to throw away the clothes and things that mean the most to me, those that I've held onto forever, now just seem to lie on top of the throw-out pile. My house is a mess, tape and boxes seem to be everywhere.

We are moving in barely a month. The packers and movers are coming this Saturday to take away the things to Chennai, and then this Sunday, I'll be leaving for Chennai for around 20 days. The plan is to spend Diwali there with family and come back home for around 10 days. I'll meet with all the friends I have, here, those 7-10 days before officially flying out to the US on November 17th.

It is almost crazy to think that not even a few months ago, I was just any other teen living life and now, I have a US visa stamped on my passport!

But what I’m more nervous for is leaving Pune. I moved to Pune when I was 1, I’ve spent 15 years of my life in this horrible city. It’s an amazing city, don’t get me wrong. For all these years I’ve lived here— I’ve honestly hated it, it’s not as clean, or as developed, the public transport is absolute dogshit and what’s worse is the traffic.
I live in a part of the city which is honestly like a village. Here, it’s just filled with Marathi gangsters and goons that are well connected with politicians. So whatever they say, goes. Thus, making the traffic absolutely terrible.

 In Wagholi, green means to stop and red means go. 

But this last month has made me realize, I’ll miss it no matter what. I’ll miss the amazing greenery it offers, the delicious food, and most importantly the people that live in it. I'll miss my childhood friend from second grade, I’ll miss flower, my therapist bestie, my dear counsellor who snitched more to my parents than anyone and saw more good in me even on my worst days, or my wonderful friends here and the kind people I’m lucky to call my friends all behind for something new. 

I’ll miss waking up in my very pink room, that was actually meant to be peach, or making instant noodles in the middle of the night in my kitchen. I’ll miss my bathroom that had my back more than people did. 

I feel horrible, knowing that I’m the one leaving everything behind. I’ll never get to ride an auto while it’s raining outside, or shower in Wagholi’s horrid water that makes all your hair shed off. 

There seems to be a never ending list of things to pack at my place, including my old barbie dolls to the newest of paintings I painted. It scares me moving to a foreign city. I don't know if the people will accept me, be friends with me, whether I'll be bullied and shoved into a locker or be the hottest bad bitch at school and break everyone's hearts. I really don't. 

Moving is hard but what's harder is not knowing what is in store for you on the other side. I don't know if I will be the talk of the town or the clown of the town. It is absolutely nerve wracking.

Everything just seems to be a mystery. It feels like someone tied a blindfold over my eyes and instructed me to navigate the toughest maze. I feel so overwhelmed, scared and just alone right now. I'm leaving everything I know and the people around me are just making it worse. 

I was speaking to my friend, Daniel about how things will change and I'm shitting my pants about the change and this man had the audacity to tell me to grow up and be mature since I can always make friends. That the friends here probably won't even miss me and they're all probably snakes. Okay Daniel, and you just lost a friend. Goodluck with your life as a complete loner! 😇

It just feels like life is completely against me, putting hurdles after hurdles and I'm scared I'll fail and just fall down. It feels like there's no one for me, this moment to just guide me and be my cheerleader in this race and it's goddamn hard to be my own when most days, I just feel like dropping dead of exhaustion. 

I know a lot of people around the globe move out of their comfort zones to a new city or country, but right now, I feel so alone. It's horrid. I feel like no one could relate to this chaos of emotions I have flowing through me, the dilemma of sorrow and excitement. 

But truly, at the end of the day, I can't wait to move!

2. I planned to visit most of my friends before leaving, and on our way to Chennai from Pune, we usually take a one day halt at Bangalore. Momo, my long time best friend lives in Bangalore so I decided I would meet her this once before leaving and since, we didn't have much time, we planned to meet for breakfast. (Mind you, I am an absolute amateur when it comes to navigating through the city.)

So we (mostly, she) searched all weekend for a breakfast place that opens early in the morning so we could meet and have breakky together. We decide on this place, Cloud kitchen and it was all set. I reached Bangalore from Pune around 1 am and I was supposed to wake up at 6 am to get ready and meet her. 

It was decided we meet at 8 and when I went there next morning, the restaurant wasn't there. It just wasn't! I looked around, left, right, up? All I saw were a handful of butcher shops and a juice shop. There wasn't even a single sign about the restaurant existing. The street was sparsely populated since it was barely 8, and with the butcher shop people smoking behind me, I panicked. I went into my flight mode and frantically started calling my friend demanding her to get me out of here and she suggested I come to her place which was 10 minutes away. I tried booking a cab, an auto, anything! But no one accepted the request, and this make me panic even more. 

I called Momo again, begging her mother to come pick me up, but soon I caught an auto off the side of the road, and paid 170 for 3.7 km... I was furious and scared out of my mind, but more than that, relived that I was out of that sketchy place!

I finally met Momo outside her place, and we decided to go to the Starbucks, near her school since she also had a test at 10 she needed to attend. So we were in bit of a time crunch! The auto from her place to the coffee shop was another 250 that we caught off the curb since no one freaking accepts cab/auto requests in the city! 

The driver left us underneath a bridge, saying he cannot take a U-turn and we were forced to walk towards Starbucks in a flooded road, with muddy water being slashed at us since it had just rained there. What a lovely start to the day! 

We entered a gas station and got off brand Mogu-Mogu and Kit-kat as breakfast and made our way to Starbucks to take pictures. Mind you, I've never entered or even drank a Starbucks all my life and this one was an eye-opening experience. 

Soon, it was time for Momo and I to bid farewell as I searched for another auto to take me back home, well guess what. I paid 1000 for an auto to come, for a 23km ride. 

I've sort of come to a conclusion— All the auto and cab drivers in Bangalore have collectively decided that they will not accept any in-app requests so as to force the customer to catch an auto off the curb. This leads them to spew any outrageous price, leaving the customer with no other choice but to accept. India is not for beginners. 

I feel like the every time I write these iteration articles, it's always something about me getting kidnapped or raped 😂😂. Anyways, since these days I don't have school or Aakash, I'll be pumping out new blogs every now and then! Stay tuned! 

Have an amazing day! 

-Sahana