Singapore and Spirutuality

Flower has been persuading(pestering) me to write about my trip to Singapore for the longest amount of time and I've been procrastinating it for even longer so here it is. 

After boards, I sort of begged my parents for a trip abroad as a reward for all the hard work I put in, during those few months leading up to the exams. And I was given a choice— Dubai or Singapore.

And I chose Singapore, thinking it was much cooler and since my dad's brother lives there, it would be easier, considering the fact that in Dubai, you cannot travel in the morning since its so incredibly hot. I had my cousin to give me company there; Thus, Singapore simply appeared as a better option. 

Singapore is an amazing city, it's very clean, and yes, they do not sell gum even though I bought gum into the city and have chewed it in public! It's very unique as in, they sort of live in the future, everyone keeps to themselves, everything's clean and organized. Altogether, It is a very well thought out, put together city. 

But looking back at the trip, all I remember was feeling absolutely miserable. Singapore is the epitome of capitalism and materialism, I've ever witnessed in person.

I felt so out of place, foreign there that it stung. It was automatically stitched in my mind that I did not belong there since it isn't a welcoming city/country at all! But if I am being honest, it is a very lonely city too. Everyone there is so inconsiderate and sort of self possessed. No one talks, no one cares for others, everyone keeps to themselves. No one is sociable. The people are very closed off, they're very selfish. And this concept was very foreign to me. Being a people person, it broke me.

Staying in that city for merely a week made me feel so inferior. Everyone there just seemed prettier, cooler, smarter, richer, wealthier, thinner and cooler. I didn't seem to fit in and I resented that feeling. Everyone just seemed so closed off, so absorbed in their own worlds that interrupting them for a simple conversation seemed alien, almost illegal. The only source of company I had in that country was my cousin with whom I don't get along too well. 

Another thing I disliked was the fact that it was a very expensive place, especially for Indians. When I visited in March, the exchange rate was ₹100 to $1.61, and every small artifact started at $15. I understand that money isn't everything, but in a materialistic world, it often seems to be the primary concern for them. The shopkeepers were rude to us, aware that we were more cautious about spending, while they were incredibly accommodating to the Western tourists. The disparity was so visible that it was hard to ignore. It stung like hell. 

I was poor in a rich man's world, hesitating to buy the cheapest of drinks since I was on such a tight budget. 

During one of those days strolling around the streets of Singapore, I stumbled upon a church and decided to just go in for taking a few pictures and since my cousin, who was my tour guide for this trip had never been in one, it gave me more of a reason to show him. When I went in, a pastor saw us two and asked if we wanted to go in and how many seats we required. I thought we needed to pay money and since I was so low on cash, I hesitated but she assured us and made space among the crowd to seat us. There was active sermon going and the two aunties sitting next to us openly welcomed me and told me what exactly they were doing. 

For some context, I am atheist. I strongly doubt the existence of god which is a huge juxtaposition to my family, my mum being a huge religious person. She participates in all sorts of rituals, large or small and will literally drain her wellbeing if that is what's needed. 
But those 30-45 minutes I sat next to those Chinese aunties, listening to a pastor preach on about some verse, I doubted whether religion and god is truly only about praying and performing elaborate rituals. 

I felt a sense of purpose, I was smiled at for the first time that week! I felt accepted by that community, I fit in. I didn't have to fake a Singaporean accent or feel the need to pretend that I am from Dubai to get people to like me. It was as if they actually saw me as a human, a part of their community rather than being labelled as an outsider, intruder, tourist or Indian. Suddenly all my worries about not fitting in melted down into ashes and I was truly at ease. 

Those two aunties kept persuading me to donate money to the church which I laughed off, knowing my bank account had nothing but pennies and asked them if it was possible if I could speak to the pastor. They guided me as to when the next sermon will be, since this was around good Friday. 

I spoke to the pastor and truly felt at home, I didn't feel the need to fake anything about myself and he truly understood. Though it was filled with old people, I truly wanted to stay in Singapore just for the sake of this church, the people who truly made me feel accepted. I asked if I could get a bible, in the hopes that I could visit this place again but never made it. 

My trip was awfully short, and my parents and uncle (whom we stayed with) being huge skeptics of other religions. I never went back. 

But one thing, I'll truly never forget is the feeling of home and comfort I got from a simple 45 minute church visit. That day, I realized religion isn't about god or preaching, it is about a sense of community and longingness. I felt wanted, and that is all I cared about that moment. So thank you Orchard road presbyterian church and pastor Kien Seng for making me feel at home those 45 minutes than that 10 day trip ever did! I am forever grateful. I still have that pastors number! 

I will honestly visit Singapore just for that church! This was a very emotional piece for me since I felt so horrible there but honestly, it's just a self reflection and transformational one. I don't know if I believe in god or no, but what I do know, religion is not spending hours on end chanting god's name but rather bringing people together, making them feel at home. 

Have a good day! 

-Sahana