The problem with being too logical in love

Us, as a human society value logic, and reasoning more than ever. We demand logic whenever someone questions our argument or our faith in God. But why exactly does combining these two ingredients prove to be an absolute disaster when it comes in the course of love? 

It is odd to imagine that one might become frustrated or even angry at the thought of their partner, during an argument or discussion, using too much logic or being overly rational—especially when you are the one, being accused of being too melodramatic or emotional. It often seems that the more logical someone's responses are, the more upset and angry their partner becomes. And here is where a somewhat silly yet troublesome question arises: Is it possible to be too logical in love, and if so, could it be the source of a bigger problem?

What we, time and again, forget is that at our very cores, we are huge babies. We want to be coddled up and nestled. 

In times of hardship and stress, what we expect from our partners is a sense of reassurance, and company; not a clear set solution, there might not be any obvious ones for large problems, but rather a feeling of comfort and backing. In most cases, the display of an overly logical solution might come off as a distant cousin of disguised impatience rather than the original act of kindness. We want to feel seen, heard, and embraced, not as problems to be solved but as complex beings deserving of compassion.

Let us consider a case of someone suffering from Ranidaphobia, the fear of frogs. 

Most phobias are psychological than physical. As in, we know that frogs are not monstrous animals that are going to eat us alive. That of course, a reptile is not going to jump us or terrorize us.
In the end, we might actually know all of this, but this is where the connection between our brain and heart is compromised. Our brains might have already registered this, but it does nothing to reduce our horrifying fear. In such situations, if our partner started explaining how many deaths happen due to frog attacks or what percentage of the frog population is proven to be poisonous, we would not be grateful, rather we’d think we are being misunderstood. 

Answers that are completely true yet unhelpful. Our worry is not exactly reasonable but we are unsettled all the same. 

In such cases, it might feel as though the person implying too much logic is looking down on us, from their castle built of rationality and evidence, at our fears and problems, implying a proper, normal, and 'sane' person wouldn’t have them. Thus, labelling us as ‘mad’ enraging us ever so slightly. 

The one putting forward the logical point of view might be shocked at the response they get, but in reality, it is not so surprising. They are moving forward by applying brutal common sense to psychological issues that require more sensitivity. Our brains are wired to be very complex, complexities that cannot be solved by the simple science of reasoning. 

It's crucial to remember that our emotional lives are not always governed by logic. This logic neglects the origin of these irrational fears and illusions that often stem from the way that people treated us, spoke to us and behaved around us in our childhood. In other words, they ignore the complexities of emotional life. 

It turns a blind eye to how people or our parents treated us when we were young or the way that we view ourselves, by asking whether we are beautiful or not is not really about the way we look, but how people in our childhood perceived us. It focuses on why we should not have them instead of discussing the real reasoning as to why your partner is feeling this way.

In the true essence, we don’t want our partner to stop being logical, rather we want them to put their intelligence and effort into comforting our issues. We want our partners to understand that we are not problems to be fixed but people who need to be seen, heard, and embraced.

We want to be understood for being the crazy animals we are and consoled that it will all, probably, be OK despite everything.

I wrote this monologue in a day so, excuse me for the length but I thought of starting a series, addressing overshadowed topics that challenge relationships everyday. I already write about love, so why not expand it a bit more! This might be the very last blog of this year so, wishing everyone a very happy and joyous new year! I truly hope your new year is filled with the utmost of affection and love! 

Have a good one! 

-Sahana