The Juxtaposition of Change

 I am not the same person I was yesterday, let alone two years ago. I don’t like the same things I did; I don’t dislike the same things I did either. Although, some things stay constant. It surprising what life has in hand for us; The same people that I thought were going to be my life long friends are now nowhere in sight and the ones I could never see myself with are the people, I message after minor inconveniences. We change, hopefully for the better. 

While I was going through my previous blogs, I was reminded of the plethora of articles I had concocted describing the characteristics I wanted in a partner, two years ago. I imagined myself with a tall blonde with blue eyes, don’t ask me how this was plausible but to 14 year old me, it just was. Back then, I yearned for a man like in the movies and hence, all ideas that were unworldly and more were entertained. But 17 year old me has different aspirations, different opinions, different expectations. I’ve gained new opinions over these years and left the ones that scream nonsense behind. Hopefully, now my claim makes sense. 

Firstly, I’ve concluded that at my elderly age, I cannot deal with the same shenanigans that I used to be okay and wished for four years ago. I don’t have the same patience that I did four years ago to tolerate a man who is possessive in a way that he wants me to block all my friends. I’m not the same person that I was three years ago to want someone only based off of their grades and GPA. I truly feel like it’s only with age that the mind becomes bigger and your eyes open up along with it to see that maybe the world is not made up of the few things, you always imagined it with rather, you fathom that there is so much more that you are yet to see.

I’ve realized coming to Tampa that the aspirations and ambitions that someone yearns for truly says a lot about them. I don’t mean to generalize a particular claim for the general public at my school, but I don’t think they want more. What I mean is a thirst, a constant want for more; Aspiring for more, learning more whether it’s in the form of education, knowledge, wisdom, and essentially just wanting more from life itself. It is the idea of not being OK with whatever you have right now. And before I get attacked, I’m all about the Buddhist beliefs of moderation and satisfaction with what you have, but I truly feel like at this ripe age, it’s only natural for someone to want more, yearn more, and have dreams of being something more. Even if these goals start out in an immature way--"I want to be rich," "I want to own more exotic cars," there is still purpose and motivation behind the thought, that keeps the idea going instead of giving up or dropping out.

To circle back to my point, coming here has truly opened my eyes about merit in a way India couldn't have. It reinforced the idea of merit, truly is not everything. Grades and academics is not all. In India, it sort of influences you to conform to that ideology since everything there really does run on merit. It’s your grades that matter, they don’t look at you as a person. You are essentially, a percentage on the table for them. But coming here, it opened my mind to ideas I would have never dared to wonder about. 

Tampa embodies that there is so much more to life than your grades and GPA. Because in the grand scheme of things, what you got in that one english class does not matter; And that is what life is, it shouldn’t be determined by a single letter grade that you got in ninth grade and I believe by that. Though, I would argue that in today’s modern world, whether you want to label it as unfortunately or fortunately, there is not much success that you can achieve, directly out of high school. Especially without an associates degree or going back to school. 

Today's job market is hard, no matter if you have a business waiting for you, getting out of high school or organically finding jobs. I still strongly believe that it’s better to go to university, perhaps community college even, to receive that basic certification. 

Coming back to my school, I feel like for a lot of folks, I fear they may be just a tad-bit unprepared for life. I believe there is so much to want from life and I want someone like that.

I want someone who wants more from life in a way that I do too.

I expect a lot for myself and others. Perhaps, disappointment is an emotion that accompanies this expectation but I think I'll live because I have a feeling, it’s this fear of disappointment that keeps me going.  

Conclusion: I am essentially, different than the person I was, two or three years ago. I’m looking for someone as a partner who is kind, great and intellectual with a simple addition of wanting more based off general aspirations in life. 

Things change and maybe they will, again, in four years from now. Perhaps as a 21 year old, I would want different things in a person but right now, I’m pretty sure this is going stick on for a while. 

Hoping for a lot of things for a lot of people! Hope everyone is having a terrific day! 

-Sahana